Fact: I’m a sucky blogger. Seriously. I pretty much think of an idea for a “good blog” everyday, but fail to A. type all..and B. I’m not sure that anything I type out falls into the “good blog” category.  So, I’ll wear the crown of loser blog girl. 🙂

I suppose a quick little update is needed as much has changed since my last few posts..

For starters, school has kicked back up and I’m so excited trudging through.

I’m working at a delightful little preschool and I’m loving on some precious little kiddos, who are surprisingly teaching me more about God’s love than some adults I know. 🙂

CMB got a fun job teaching some crazy middle school lads and lassies, and his story time at the end of each day is pretty much my favorite thing these days.  I LOVE middle school minds.

I’m volunteering with a local organization that has changed me from the inside out.  It’s a non-christian organization but you can’t even pull into the parking lot without being overtaken by the love of Jesus.  I’ve never felt more at home in such a place..I absolutely love that His light shines in that place without anyone speaking of it.  *Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about speaking some light..but as my sweet lil’ momma always taught me, “actions speak louder than words.”  Needless to say, my time with these people is some of my most treasured time these days, and I’m so stinkin’ excited about some doors that are opening up with them.

Honestly, my days are crammed.  Finding 10 minutes of quiet time without falling asleep is like finding a needle in a haystack. I find myself going to bed earlier and earlier and still sleeping in until the very last second.  Managing 5 classes, the homework that comes with those classes, a job, a clean house, and any aspect of anything remotely social has been a pretty big challenge. But, I’m diggin’ in.

Before all the madness of my now crazy life set in, I went through a few weeks of some seriously beautiful time with the Big G.  There were a lot of heavy things going on and although in no way do I feel like my faith was shaken, I did feel a sense of longing to go deeper and find out what I was supposed to look like according to Jesus and not just what someone has told me or what I feel like looks or feels right.  In my daily readings, I was coming to a place where Jesus was doing a lot of the talking and he was preparing his disciples for his crucifixion.  I was reading passages that have been beat into my head throughout the years, but for the first time, I stopped to think about what He was really telling them..

It’s hard not to be disgusted at the image that “Christians” have portrayed..especially when we compare that image to the image of Jesus Christ.  The very image that we’re set to pursue, we’ve tarnished, and it’s almost embarrassing at times to say that I’m apart of a group of people that parade around with attitudes that I’m pretty positive Jesus would be disgusted with (myself included in that group at times) *Obviously, not all Christians “parade around,” but you get what I mean..

I just hit this point of being fed up with it.  I’ve felt this burden of urgency that I can’t shake.  I feel like every blog that I write touches on this, but I think it’s so easy to forget it and I suppose I’m your reminder 🙂

CMB and I went to this church one time when we were out of town, and I left with the most disgusting feeling I’ve ever felt..after leaving a church!! Never, have I been in a place that was more about building up the body (with no intent of sending it out) and basically being content with “church.” Seriously?

Where would we be if Jesus had chosen those 12 disciples and kept them hidden away to build them up and make them the best little Christians in the world, while leaving the rest of us to stand by and watch, or live in ignorance?

I’m all about encountering the love of God and learning and searching and growing deeper in Him, and I think church is most often the environment where we do so, but at some point I think it’s important to put into practice what we say we stand for.  I think church should be refreshing and safe and a time with family, but I think even more that it should be about equipping and meeting the needs of the lost and broken, and I sometimes feel that corporately, Christians have missed that mark.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not hating on the Church..ironically enough, I’m writing this post in the back of one right now..

I’m simply saying that a “Christian” life shouldn’t be so cheap. It should be about practically walking out what He set forth for us to do.

Honestly, I stink in this area a lot of the time, but I’d rather stink and still be trying than being arrogant and complacent in my walk.(Not that you guys are :))

Going through the desert or even through the fire in any area of your life makes this concept easier or harder to grasp, but I’ve recently discovered, through going through my own fire, that His goodness is real and it’s eternal.

Whether it’s been something as stupid as a bad day at work or something as serious as an attack against my character, He’s been there and He’s been chipping away at all the crap that has been built up throughout the years.  Can I just tell you that pursuing Jesus and all that He looks like has been the hardest and most rewarding thing?

I’m so grateful to serve a God that hears my cries in the car and takes my verbal beatings when I lash out at Him, but who remains sovereign.  I’m grateful to have a God who loves me enough to reach down and embrace me when I’m in the bed feeling down, and then put someone in my path who will give me a slap to my face when I need it.

The fact is, He’s good. Always.  And I think we forget that a lot of the time.

Personally, I believe that pursuing Jesus in every aspect of your personal life is a huge challenge, but it’s the most rewarding and meaningful thing that we’ll encounter.

One of my most favorite Rich Mullins songs paints this picture so wonderfully, and I’ll leave you with some of his lyrics..

Oh God, You are my God
And I will ever praise You
Oh God, You are my God
And I will ever praise You
I will seek You in the morning
And I will learn to walk in Your ways
And step by step You’ll lead me
And I will follow You all of my days

Here’s my challenge: You know that little phrase that we hear all the time, “Lay down your own life…?” Do it.  It’s freaking hard, it’ll stretch you beyond what you thought you were capable of, and sometimes, frankly, it sucks.  (Remember, I’m a big fan of being in control. :)) But, it’s beautiful and it’ll change you.

Anyway, sorry to smack you guys with this after my prolonged absence..but, I’m finished with my beatdown! 🙂



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